Happy Happy Joy Joy

written January 27, 2008

So tonight Pastor Jeremy taught on being unbreakable. He defined unbreakable as "impossible to break under ordinary usage and able to withstand rough uses." He also mentioned a few other things that I'll touch on. But let me start with saying it was incredible. I went to church this evening with the thought of "What's the use, why go?" And then worship and Jesus rocked my face!

For awhile I've known what I need to do. I've made plans about what I need to do, but everytime I fall back on what I want to do. I mean, for real, I won't completely jump in head first, but I slowly slide backwards. It's like I long to be close to God's heart and to be a strong woman of God, but I see myself so far away that I figure what's the use. I've got to start meditating on what I want my reality to be. Which is flowing in the love, grace, and mercy of God. Flowing in the strength He created me to flow in.

The doubts and fears I experience are all part of the carnality of this world. Things to hold me back and rob me of the true value of life. Before I can get out and say I'm unbreakable, I have to turn on the light and deal with my issues. I have to fix me and deal with the emotions inside of me. There are so many emotions I don't know where to begin. I think the biggest thing blocking me right now is my heart. I was hurt pretty bad back in August and have never taken the time to get my heart strong and solid again. I've built up a mighty strong fortress around it, but that has only caused me to push people and God away. But I'm tired of living this way! I want nothing to come between me and my Prince. I want to be comfortable around Him and trust Him. So here's to a fixing me. To becoming emotionally healthy. To becoming a strong woman with a soft heart and listening to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.