What's my motivation?

written April 15, 2007

So recently I have made a lot of changes in my life. From the way I do the things I do to the people I hang out with, pretty much everything in my life has been changing. Through it all, the question in my mind has been "Why the heck am I doing this?" Why am I focusing more on God and following Him? Why am I listening to my mentors and doing everything they tell me to do? Why am I cutting people out of my life when we always have a good time and I love it when we hang out? And I will admit, for awhile it was because it was the right thing to do. It was because I "have to". "I can't talk to you because so and so said so" "I am reading my Bible because I have to" "I am staying at home because I have to do this." And you know, during that time, I was very anxious. I didn't have peace because I was so afraid I would mess up and disappoint everyone. I was afraid I would fail just like all the other times. And this last week has been a very lazy week for me in regards to the continual maintenance of my spiritual life. But I think I've come to the place of a "want to" or at least a "want to" to "want to".

My ultimate desire is to be so consumed and in love with God that it's first nature to chat with God. That when I wake up, I WANT to pray, I WANT to worship, I WANT to read my Bible. And I want to do it because I love Jesus. Because I love my co-workers. Because I love my roommates. Because I freakin love! After all, Jesus loved me so much that He wanted to do whatever He could to give me the "want to". He took my sin upon Him and died for me so that I could "want to" love Him. So that I could "want to" serve Him. My motivation is my love. And my love is my motivation. I am motivated to live for God because I have chosen to love Him.

Just a little thing I thought of when thinking of how to have the "want to".

Wait on God
Abide in Him
No long I, but Christ
Trust in God

Thankful for life
Obedient to His Word

Father, I thank You for sending Your only Son as the ultimate sacrifice for me. I thank You for Your example of love and for the choice You have given me to follow You. I thank You that I am beginning to have the "want to". I thank You that as I wait on You I will gain strength and confidence in You. That I will do everything I can to abide in You. I thank You that I am putting myself aside and focusing on You. Father, I want to love like You love, I want to see how You see, I want my ways to be Your ways. I place my complete trust in You. You know that trust is something that I struggle with so help me to become stronger in that area. Father, I'm so thankful for this life You have given me. I thank You that You've created me for such a time as this. It's time for me to completely surrender myself to You. To let go of all of me and cling to Your Word. I praise You God because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. I WANT TO live for You because I love You.