random thoughts

written January 17, 2008


So not really sure of a "topic" for this blog besides random thoughts. As I sit here at TGI Fridays in the Dallas airport, I am beginning to get the urge to write. So why not blog it, right? Right! Maybe I'll come up with a different title once I see where this is all going!

So what a great time to be living. With so many different opportunities for life, friendships, serving, and love - it takes a pretty unmotivated person to get bored. But I've been getting bored lately, and I don't like to think of myself as unmotivated. I mean sure, I work and go to church but outside of that I'm very unsatisfied with where I'm at.

The last 6 months or so of my life has not been fun. With various medical issues I've spent a lot of time just being. And it's given me a lot of time to evaluate my life. This is when I discovered I was unsatisfied. Yes, I have a great job - the pay is pretty good, benefits are wonderful, and the people I work with are amazing. But do I thoroughly enjoy it? Not so much. And I don't even know where to start with my friendships.

By choosing to keep certain friendships, I have lost others. But I have also gained some amazing friends and acquaintances this year. I absolutely adore my true friends. The ones who have stuck with me through my not so smart times - and man, have there been many! (I think ya'll know who you are. No, not you...yes, you.)

The past year has really taught me to let people be. Life is too short to be stressin over what people think or the choices other people are making. Do what's going to make you happy - if partying and "livin it up" are gonna make you happy, then by all means, live it up! Just don't have two sides. Cuz then your head will really get messed up, not to mention the people around you's heads. I have this situation in my life - well, it's more of a person. Ok, it is a person. Have this person in my life who I KNOW shouldn't be as close as they are. But out of convenience I've let them become one of the people I hang out with the most. And I would like to think that they make me happy and that I'm happy when we hang out and all, but I don't think I can fully embrace the happiness with them. I mean what is happiness? Sure it's having fun, laughing, blah blah blah. But I think it goes deeper than that.

What's my definition of happiness? Well, I guess the state of being happy? Lol naw, for real, here's the definition of happiness according to Jess...light hearted peace and enjoyment in life. Does that make sense? Jury's still out on that one! Lol but seriously, I don't think true enjoyment can exist without peace. So, on that note, I have to go catch this plane...maybe a revised edition of this blog will appear. Maybe not. Until then, do what makes you happy. Whether it's for the now or for the future, just be happy!